| Aristophanes Index |
PHIDIPPIDES
Tell me, what is it?
STREPSIADES
Just now you swore by Zeus.
PHIDIPPIDES
Sure I did.
STREPSIADES
Do you see how good it is to learn? Phidippides, there is no Zeus.
PHIDIPPIDES
What is there then?
STREPSIADES
The Whirlwind has driven out Zeus and is King now.
PHIDIPPIDES
What drivel!
STREPSIADES
You must realize that it is true.
PHIDIPPIDES
And who says so?
STREPSIADES
Socrates, the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows how to measure the
jump of a flea.
PHIDIPPIDES
Have you reached such a pitch of madness that you believe those
bilious fellows?
STREPSIADES
Use better language, and do not insult men who are clever and full
of wisdom, who, to economize, never shave, shun the gymnasia and never
go to the baths, while you, you only await my death to eat up my
wealth. But come, come as quickly as you can to learn in my stead.
PHIDIPPIDES
And what good can be learnt of them?
STREPSIADES
What good indeed? Why, all human knowledge. Firstly, you will know
yourself grossly ignorant. But await me here awhile.
(He goes back into his house.)
PHIDIPPIDES
Alas! what is to be done? Father has lost his wits. Must I have
him certificated for lunacy, or must I order his coffin?
STREPSIADES (returning with a bird in each hand)
Come! what kind of bird is this? Tell me.
PHIDIPPIDES
A pigeon.
STREPSIADES
Good! And this female?
PHIDIPPIDES
A pigeon.
STREPSIADES
The same for both? You make me laugh! In the future you must
call this one a pigeonnette and the other a pigeon.
PHIDIPPIDES
A pigeonnette! These then are the fine things you have just learnt
at the school of these sons of Earth!
STREPSIADES
And many others; but what I learnt I forgot at once, because I
am to old.
PHIDIPPIDES
So this is why you have lost your cloak?
STREPSIADES
I have not lost it, I have consecrated it to Philosophy.
PHIDIPPIDES
And what have you done with your sandals, you poor fool?
STREPSIADES
If I have lost them, it is for what was necessary, just as
Pericles did. But come, move yourself, let us go in; if necessary,
do wrong to obey your father. When you were six years old and still
lisped, I was the one who obeyed you. I remember at the feasts of Zeus
you had a consuming wish for a little chariot and I bought it for
you with the first obolus which I received as a juryman in the courts.
PHIDIPPIDES
You will soon repent of what you ask me to do.
STREPSIADES
Oh! now I am happy! He obeys. (loudly) Come, Socrates, come!
Come out quick! Here I am bringing you my son; he refused, but I
have persuaded him.
SOCRATES
Why, he is but a child yet. He is not used to these baskets, in
which we suspend our minds.
PHIDIPPIDES
To make you better used to them, I would you were hung.
STREPSIADES
A curse upon you! you insult your master!
SOCRATES
"I would you were hung!" What a stupid speech! and so emphatically
spoken! How can one ever get out of an accusation with such a tone,
summon witnesses or touch or convince? And yet when we think,
Hyperbolus learnt all this for one talent!
STREPSIADES
Rest undisturbed and teach him. He has a most intelligent
nature. Even when quite little he amused himself at home with making
houses, carving boats, constructing little chariots of leather, and
understood wonderfully how to make frogs out of pomegranate rinds.
Teach him both methods of reasoning, the strong and also the weak,
which by false arguments triumphs over the strong; if not the two,
at least the false, and that in every possible way.
SOCRATES
The Just and Unjust Discourse themselves shall instruct him. I
shall leave you.
STREPSIADES
But forget it not, he must always, always be able to confound
the true.
(Socrates enters the Thoughtery; a moment later the JUST and the
UNJUST DISCOURSE come out; they are quarrelling violently.)
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